


Ways of Seeing

by withthepilot



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-30
Updated: 2010-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withthepilot/pseuds/withthepilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, John starts looking for Chris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ways of Seeing

He doesn't even see it coming, the way everything is suddenly just blue eyes and broad shoulders.

One day, he starts looking for Chris, searching out his face in the midst of a crowd of other actors, set designers, extras, tech guys. If he thinks of a joke, he wants to tell it to Chris first, so he can get his validation in the form of a Crest Kid-white smile. He wants the furrow of Chris' brow and the fish-pout of his lips when they shake hands before a scene, their shared "serious actor" expression.

He's wanted so many things in his life, but simple, attainable things. Now all he wants is Chris.

*

"John, quit it," Chris chides him one day. "Quit staring at me all the time. I know you're hopelessly in love with me, but come on. It's getting weird."

They're on break with Zach and Anton and they all laugh, including Chris. John almost forgets to join in.

"What?" he replies, voice a little creaky. He quickly searches his mental databanks for the perfect comeback, finding nothing. He sighs inwardly.

"Keep dreaming, man," is all he can say.

Chris hums and looks amused, but drops it. John tries to concentrate on the magazine in his hands, rapidly flicking through it.

He doesn't dare to let himself stare at Chris again.

*

"John," Chris whispers. John stops toying with his costume and gasps in surprise.

"Jesus fuck, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on me like that."

He won't look at Chris, he won't. He can't.

"I just wanted to say sorry for busting your balls, man. I was just kidding around. I like it when you look at me, for real."

 _I like looking at you_ , John wants to say.

"Once again, I don't know what you're talking about," he grumbles. "And leave my balls out of this." He only sees the knowing look in Chris' eyes because he catches it in a nearby mirror.

"I think you do," he says as he leaves.

*

 _You never look at me anymore_ , Chris texts. His eyes seem to flash from across the dinner table. John straightens his tie and texts back.

 _I never looked at you. Ok? You were imagining it._

Chris glances at his phone's screen and then clears his throat, asking Zoe to pass the wine.

A few minutes later, John feels another buzz in his trouser pocket. The words lodge as a knot in his chest as he reads them.

 _You don't know half the extent of my imagination._

*

He barely makes it to the bathroom in time, and then Chris is suddenly _right there_ , his hands all over him, the blue fabric of his tie now a thick stripe across Chris' knuckles. He pulls it taut, drawing John closer to those ridiculous eyes. John looks away, squeezes his own eyes shut until he feels a palm over his groin, finding him out.

"Fuck," John groans. Chris nips at his earlobe.

"You look at me for this," he murmurs. "This time, you'll look at me."

John does as he's told because he can't do anything else, has to look and look as Chris licks those sinful lips of his, sinking down to his knees. He keeps his eyes wide open even as Chris' flutter shut, and when the explosion ignites, he sees it coming. He cries out as his retinas burn.


End file.
